thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
