and i looked up. we had an audience...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
