fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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