i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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