A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
