I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
