I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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