Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
