Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
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I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize