I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
