When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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