giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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