Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
