why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize