i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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