do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
