It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize