I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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