Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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