You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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