i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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