I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
no you cant smoke seaweed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
