to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
