do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
