ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
