oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
