your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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