its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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