well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
