Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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