I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
