we made out on top of his cat.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
