so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
