Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
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Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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