I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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