Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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