Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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