I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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