I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
