Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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