I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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