I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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