If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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