Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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