did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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