all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize