She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
