im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
