My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
