I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
