i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
