I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Pooping to opera.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
