Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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