I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
