drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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