I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I want to fling myself into the sun
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
