Please, let me fuck your mom
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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