LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
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I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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