I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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