I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
