i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
