I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
