did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Terrible idea I love it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
