We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
