I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
