she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
