big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
