i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
