Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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