You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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