Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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