my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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