I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
