my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
